THE STRUGGLE TO FORGIVE

DEAR MS. G:

Don’t worry about the cards. I just want your input. It’s been a struggle for me to forgive my family. I want to, my plan is to do it, but my heart is in a rage. I trust you and just want your opinion or to hear how you deal with unforgiveness. Peace.

SIGNED, PEACE

DEAR PEACE:

I liked that you closed your inquiry with “Peace”. It’s fitting because that’s what’s needed right now, right? Your circumstance (and the magnitude of it) is unclear, so I’m going to lean into the part where you asked about how I deal with needing to forgive (including all associated hurt, regret, rage, etc.).

We are all human. And before I go into the regular “we all make mistakes” bit, I consider the things we all hide, the thoughts that no one else sees, and the secrets (skeletons) we all seem to have. I think about past karmic debt, people I may have seriously injured without realizing it. I also like to measure how much I’ve grown, how far I have come, and I weigh in the reality that I really could not be here right now were it not for the grace of God. These are the things I remember in order to avoid going backwards, but also to keep in mind that change is available to all (even people who hurt us, even our enemies). This is my first line of thinking to calm down and begin processing what has hurt me (not wanting to go to jail helps too).

Process it. Before any action is taken, before deep conversations take place, before anything, process it. Sit in it. Observe the thoughts and feelings that rise and fall without attaching yourself to them. Allow the emotions to come in high and fizzle out upon the shore of your awareness like waves. Just observe. Build up the fortitude to sit in the pain and humiliation of it all. When you’re ready, visualize yourself shrinking the pain with spiritual authority. It’s all a process. Nothing of value comes easy. Apply patience.

The beautiful part is that this route begins to rebuild and fortify you at the same time. I believe that one of the main reasons we are held captive by unforgiveness for such long periods of time is because we rarely allow ourselves time to sit and go through the human aspect of processing, of analyzing what happened, how it hurt, why it happened, and where we still have power in the situation. And a lot of the time, we forget how badly we too have hurt others. It’s all part of the cycles of the human condition.

Lastly, I have an in-depth understanding of energy. Holding on too long without healing actions in place begins to erode the wellness of the one who is carrying it. Negative emotion trapped within the being erodes the organs (disease) and paralyses one’s highest levels of spiritual capability as well. We don’t want this for ourselves. In this sense forgiveness is health and spiritual hygiene. Mark 11:23-26 speaks to our having immeasurable power to move mountains being not solely based on believing it, but also on our capacity to forgive. In short, forgiveness has been key in my ability to remain victorious. I hope this helps.

SIGNED, MS. G

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Responses are released every Friday.