SOMETIMES I HATE MY FAMILY
DEAR MS. G:
Sometimes I really think I hate my family. But whenever they have problems, I’m the first one they call. Then, when it’s all good for them, they treat me like s**t. It is starting to take a toll on me, but I can’t seem to shake free. I just want to see what your cards say. I don’t have a specific question; I just need to hear something! Thanks, Ms. G, you always come through with the real!
SIGNED, TIRED OF ‘EM
DEAR TIRED:
You probably don’t have a specific question because you know that the situation is far too complex for a short, public, blog post. There are many levels, past hurts, ongoing behaviors, and much needed character assessments. This also includes the active parts you have played in your own frustration regarding family matters.
To be “real” (like you said), you’re upset right now and in another 1-2 months everything will be back to “normal”. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s what I see. And it’s not because you aren’t serious nor is it a lack of discipline or inability to stand alone. Full resolution and restoration will require calm and rational thinking, a sound inventory of who/what has wounded you. It is a good idea to have a non-related professional walk through some change processes with you. This person could be a coach, a therapist, or even a spiritual reader if that’s more up your alley.
Now is a good time to begin your own healing process. It will be successful. Start by looking at your current hurts, needs (and unmet needs), overlooked parts of yourself (even dreams and desires), and things that bring you joy. Dive into some personal goals or projects you have been ignoring (or self-medicating to forget). I’m suggesting this to get you out of your current slump because in the summer, the cards show you have a blast! And some of those moments are spent with family (go figure).
Regarding your family: yes, there is a high level of dysfunction. Take some down time to look at each individual to decide if they deserve access, distance, or nothing at all. This is great exercise we use in our coaching sessions. The goal is to get a clear picture of where you stand with each relative, so you can internally put them in their proper role in your life (or remove them all together, if needed/possible). This first adjustment will work wonders! It brings clarity to areas that can be tweaked, allowing for better relations, expectations, and peace of mind in the long run.
By all means, still enlist the support of a non-biased professional to walk with you through more robust and long-term changes. Do this when you are ready and in a calm, clear-headed space. Go ahead and enjoy your summer. Looks like it’s going to be a good one! I hope this helps.
SIGNED, MS. G
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